A truth for a Lie
by alikuu
Summary: Celebrimbor wants to know where he stands with Annatar.


"In light of recent events, I must ask you something."

It's Celebrimbor that speaks. The two of them stand on the balcony outside his chambers, overlooking Ost-in-Edhil from above.

It's nighttime and hundreds of lanterns are lit. The moon is new and the sky is splattered with stars. The soft blue glow of the Feanorian lamp, which hangs above them casts pleasant reflections on the polished marble ledge upon which they lean.

Annatar watches him from beneath the long curve of his eyelashes. In the diminished light, it would be hard for Celebrimbor to know that he is being so meticulously studied, although, it matters little if he does.

"What is on your mind?" Annatar turns fully to face the elf. His friend is being uncharacteristically reluctant to look at him.

"Well-" Tyelperinquar utters and breaks off.

"You have been wondering." Annatar supplies, feeling in the mood to be charitable. It is peculiar, but he no longer feels satisfaction when the Feanorian flounders.

"You must have overheard." Celebrimbor hangs his head with shame that is unnecessary. "Your behaviour has spurred a lot of questions. Our colleagues insisted that I address them and put the issue to rest once and for all."

Of course, Annatar knows what his friend is referring to - a thing they have danced around but haven't dared to touch. What he doesn't know is what would happen if they were to carelessly scratch the delicate surface. What would come oozing from underneath?

"Is there anything that you have been wanting to tell me? Something that I should know?" Tyelperinquar asks and he sounds hopeful, foolish, reckless.

"Elves like to believe that they are more refined than other incarnates," Annatar smiles benevolently, "and yet the more time I spend amongst your kind, the more I find evidence to strengthen the other argument."

"I told them that you would say something like this." Celebrimbor sighs wearily. "Please forgive me, they insisted that I ask."

"Why?" Annatar's question arrests him in his place. Tyelpe is hardly breathing. The Maia can practically see the elf's body temperature rising by the changes in the vibrations of the air particles around him.

"Why what?" Celebrimbor breathes.

"Why do you care what your colleagues think?" Annatar clarifies and Tyelperinquar experiences relief. The thunder of his heart gives him away better than any other cues his body supplies.

"Possibly because you don't care at all." The elf shrugs. "Surely you know our customs by now. When you started washing my hair in the communal baths, they all left. The entire hall emptied, if you did not notice. It was done in very poor taste, and didn't fail to disappoint many. Don't think that they did not lecture me afterwards."

"Were they disappointed by my behaviour?" Annatar quirks an eyebrow.

"No, they were disappointed by me. They said that I have ruined the chances of having a wedding celebration at the Gwaith-i-Mirdain by being too much of a prude." Celebrimbor chuckles sheepishly.

The statement amuses Annatar greatly and he shows it with an answering laugh.

"Sounds like an educated guess." He teases and it provokes the intended reaction.

"Is that so?" Celebrimbor's jaw hangs open for longer than is necessary to complete a sentence. "I asked you, if you were aware that your actions could be taken in many ways. You told me that you were merely experimenting with what you had not tried before."

"It was the truth." Annatar testifies.

"I assumed you were talking about washing hair!" Celebrimbor sounds irritated.

"Can it not have more than one purpose?" The Maia challenges. "Or is your current inability to perceive complexity born out of the fact that the matter brushes, however barely, on your most primal instincts?"

His friend is silent for a while, but even when he doesn't offer words, Annatar easily gleams his answers. He doesn't even have to look closer at the chemicals shooting through the elf's system to know for certain.

"I know what you desire." Annatar begins softly.

Tyelperinquar takes in a breath and holds it.

"And it is what I wish for as well." He adds with reluctance, but the change in Celebrimbor is immediate and powerful. His face lights up and he very nearly closes the distance between them, looking into the Maia's eyes, as if he needs a visual confirmation of what his ears perceive.

"Then, what are we waiting for?" He asks, breathless.

"Tyelpe," Annatar takes his face in hands and brings them closer, mere inches away. "How long have you known me?"

"About two hundred years." Tyelperinquar acknowledges.

"It's not a very long time." The Maia reminds him.

"Annatar, I know that two hundred years is nothing for one who has existed before the formation of Arda." Celebrimbor issists. "Such a short period must seem laughably insignificant to you. It isn't a long while even by the standards of the elves. But to me, the time we spent together feels like a lifetime of its own."

"There are still so many things you need to know about me." Annatar disagrees.

"Then show me -" Celebrimbor implores. "I want nothing more than to learn everything there is to know of you-"

He trails of and then goes ahead and drops the brick:

"I love you."

The words resonate through Sauron's entire being and he wishes to believe them. He wishes that he hadn't heard them.

"You will find out. In due time." He speaks, trying and failing to distance himself from the other. He can't bring himself to look away. He thinks of the things he needs to do. First. Because even if Tyelpe cannot understand, he absolutely must- "Can you wait?"

Celebrimbor has moved and is now so close, they are touching bodily.

"I would gladly wait an eternity." Tyelperinquar says and Annatar sees with all his senses that the elf means it. It only makes things harder.

"How can you be so certain?" Annatar demands. He should have remained silent. He is revealing too much. He is usually better at denying things to himself. "What if you didn't like all there is to know? What if I am not whom you expect me to be?"

"There is no secret of your past that I cannot bear, no identity that can make me turn away. " Celebrimbor contends. "I know that you haven't been wholly sincere with me from the beginning. Whatever you are hiding, nothing can stop the way I feel about you."

"And what would you be willing to sacrifice?" Annatar asks, even if it's dangerous. "Would you part with the things you value most, turn away from everything you have ever known and set on a new path, one just for me and you to tread?"

"There is nothing that I wouldn't sacrifice for you. Annatar, I love you. You have me, forever." He promises and Annatar feels fiercely the desire to believe him, to trust in the absolute loyalty and affection he sees in Tyelpe's eyes. "Whatever it is that worries you, cast it aside!"

"Promise me." Annatar demands, pulling Celebrimbor into his arms, and needing - Needing.

"I promise." Tyelperinquar pledges.

"If you lie to me…" Annatar trails off. His voice sounds unfamiliar. Too soft, so weak...

It does nothing to deter the elf, who slips a hand behind his neck and coaxes him forward, swallowing the threat along with the passion, the desire and the yearning.

 _If this is a lie_ , Annatar thinks-

Celebrimbor closes his eyes and Annatar copies it. The touch of their lips shouldn't affect him so much - it is nothing more than flesh, an idea of his own conjuring against biological matter that is little more than a vial. Celebrimbor is like a glass, filled with an excited compound of chemicals, bubbling, shaking, sparkling. But his spirit - that, which Annatar cannot truly hold, not yet - is burning like a steadfast fire, and Annatar wants to get burned.

For the first time, he realises how such a small thing could drive one insane, break one even.

He makes his own vows.

 _If you are lying to me, my love, I will destroy you._


End file.
